Confessions of an Over-Committed Soul
On faith, freedom, and (trying) to finding purpose beyond the noise.
What scares me more than failure, more than getting older, is this: drifting through my days without really living them.
The louder the world gets, the quieter I feel inclined to be…cocooning a bit.
That’s why it’s been about three weeks since I’ve shown up here (or much on my social channels).
I haven’t wanted to add to the noise… and man, has it been loud.
Does that make me a ‘bad Christian’? You’ll decide for yourself — people always do. Judgment feels rampant these days.
Of course, I do have opinions, filters, and pain. I wasn’t sure I had anything helpful to add to the shouting.
Even before the last few weeks, I’d been rethinking social media, my voice, my work, my purpose.
Truth is, I’ve even given myself the “ick factor” (didn’t know that was possible… ha!).
I used to love Social - the stories, the family updates, the silly Doodle reels, of course.
But lately?
It feels less like connection and more like a constant fight: left vs. right shouting matches, endless hot takes, and then…
The never-ending parade of self-promotion.
Everyone’s a guru, everyone’s selling something… and yep, I know I’m part of it too. That’s where the struggle gets real.
Do I believe I have something to offer?
Yes, actually, a ton.
Do I think social media can be a great place to share?
Sure…I think so?
But right now, I’m just a bit worn out by the machine.
Honestly? I’m even burnt out on podcasts. (If I hear one more “Top 5 Hacks to Change Your Life Before 6 a.m.” … Lord, take the wheel.)
…So here I am, in the messy middle, trying to figure out what healthy engagement looks like without losing my sanity or maybe my soul.
And that wrestling with social media is just one piece of it.
Because off-screen, life’s been no walk in the park either.
Nothing tragic, just… a lot.
The Captain is off hiking Mont Blanc (look it up; it’s stunning). I’m thrilled for him.
This past year handed both of us a stack of disappointments: surgeries, injuries, deaths, and plans that fell through…one after the other.
I’m grateful he finally got to go and check off one of the bucket-list trips we’d planned for this year.
While he’s been traveling, I’ve found myself stretched thin and scattered - living out of a suitcase more than I’d like, buried under too many projects, endless texts and emails, the weight of expectations, deadlines, and disappointments over not hitting all those things at once.
And if I’m honest, too much of my work right now drains me more than it delights me.
Next week, I head to Costa Rica to lead a Rooted + Radiant retreat for women in ministry in midlife.
Amazing, right?
YES.
If you’d whispered a few years ago, “Get ready, Dawn… you won’t just plan retreats, you’ll lead them,” I would’ve laughed and cried all at once.
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” — Ephesians 3:20
As I’ve been prepping, it’s no surprise God’s been whispering, “Oh, hey… Dawn, don’t teach what you’re not living.” Ouch.
Anyone who’s prepared messages knows how convicting that process can be.
So I’ve been asking myself: What do I need to say no to so I can slow down and breathe again?
Where am I clinging to a scarcity mindset - afraid that if I don’t hustle, something will fall apart?
Here’s the thing: I didn’t step out of the hustle-and-grind just to… keep hustling and grinding.
I love work, but I also wanted more room…
Space for family, community, time with Jesus, and mental breathing room without the dinging texts and frantic inbox checks.
The constant noise is jarring to my soul (yours too, probably).
I’m not about to toss my phone in the ocean… though, friends, I’ve had moments.
Remember that old Corona commercial where someone chucks a pager into the waves? (Millennials and Gen Z… go ahead and Google “pager.” 😉)
Yeah… tempting.
Bottom line: my fear isn’t about running out of time. It’s about not running with a purpose.
When I wake up at 3 a.m. (oh, hey… HRT helps, but those wake-ups can still come like clockwork), my mind starts spinning.
A whole parade of thoughts marches through…some small, some heavy.
But the one that lingers is this: what if I look back one day and realize I let hurry, distraction, or other people’s expectations keep me from really living?
At 57, I’m well past the textbook “midlife” mark, but I’m in this sparkly, messy, nameless chapter, and I don’t want to sleepwalk through it.
Because while I’ve worked hard and kept going, I’ve also…
Let other people define my worth.
Said “yes” when I wanted to say “no.”
Stayed quiet to keep the peace - even when it cost me.
Handed over my joy and agency to others’ comfort or approval.
And the hard truth? I wasn’t the victim in those stories.
I was the villain.
How, you might ask? I was the one overcommitting, ignoring what my soul was saying, and staying in situations that chipped away at me because it felt easier than rocking the boat.
Here’s the freeing part: if I had a role in it, I can change my role… That is good news.
I know my worth is rooted in Jesus, not anyone’s approval… but honestly, I don’t always live that way day to day. He didn’t come so I’d live small or afraid. He came so I’d live free (John 8:36).
So here’s what I’m asking myself this week (join me?):
Am I making space for what matters most - with God, family, and my own soul?
What do I need to say no to this week so I can breathe again?
Which work drains me vs. delights me - and how can I shift even 10% toward delight?
Where am I hustling for approval (or the algorithm) instead of walking by faith and freedom?
Do my relationships - and my calendar - reflect my values or other people’s expectations?
What boundary will I set around my phone/podcasts/noise to lower the noise?
If I truly trusted God to provide, what would I right-size, pause, or release?
What would “living fully” look like this month, and what’s one concrete next step?
Jesus said, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10).
And Brené Brown reminds us, “You either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.”
Midlife doesn’t have to be a crisis. It can be an invitation.
And I want the rest of mine to count.
This week I heard a prayer that stopped me in my tracks, and maybe it will for you too:
“Do I have the faith to leave old ways behind and break fresh ground with God?”
I’ll be honest… my first reaction? Probably not - at least not today. Ouch.
But as I reflect more, God’s not asking for perfection… just willingness. So I’m sitting with it, chewing on it, asking Him to grow that faith in me.
What about you?
💛 Dawn
You are incredibly talented and gifted